I took much of January off to rest. During my time away from work, I discovered a few significant things about myself and the life I’m living.

Here’s part two: 

When I slow down, the pace of life appears to quicken and things around me seem to get significantly louder. Throughout January, the noise of life seemed to have been turned up several notches. Of course, I don’t think that was the case. There wasn’t more happening in January, per se.. I just took a moment (a series of moments, really) to see and hear just how much was happening in and around me. 

Now, here is a note worth making: I am not one to run from problems. I mean that. I run hard after my passions and pursuits, which leaves little or no time to attend to things I consider peripheral. Of course, I am sometimes wrong about that; some of the noise and chaos I consider peripheral shouldn’t be. And some of it isn’t “outside” me but rooted in my own behaviors and thoughts. And that’s what a stretch of time like January is good for in my case; the opportunity to let some of that peripheral noise and chaos have its moment in my direct line of site so that I can begin actually engage or navigate it.

Two images have been particularly helpful in engaging/navigating the “chaos” and “noise” that comes with slowing down.

THE FIRST IMAGE is associated with either physical fasting or doing what some call a “cleanse.” Generally, if I allow that process sufficient time, the toxins in my body come to the surface, which is part of the intention of the practice – get the bad stuff out. One unfortunate effect of the process, if I’m successful in it, is that I smell a bit ripe while those toxins surface. Something a bit like that happens with my my more toxic emotions and thoughts when I slow down.

This time ‘round (because I’ve done this “slowing down” thing just frequently enough to learn a bit about how to do it and what to expect) I remembered to recognize “the stink” as only a phase. More importantly, I remembered to keep myself from over-identifying with those emotional/psychological toxins. Cliche as it may sound, I have to remember that I am not defined by my lesser parts, my faults etc… Having the time to see them surface and letting them go keeps me from thinking/beliving that those things are me.

THE OTHER IMAGE (and the one more vital to this reflection) is one in which I am actually slowing down, as if I had been running. In this case, the image takes on a bit more urgency in that there is what sounds and feels like a pack of dogs scrambling just behind me, nipping at my heels. As I slow down, they overtake me and then begin to pass by. The trick is that I have to sit still long enough for the pack to pass. I have to get as still as I possibly can and wait. Meanwhile, rather than ignore the pack of dogs darting past me, I’ve learned to look directly and listen attentively. This is the most important part. Because when I do that, I notice a couple things:

1. Most of these dogs are pretty small and don’t have teeth. Some of what has been pursuing me as I’m pursuing my passions is really just noise and I have to let it pass. Of course, I don’t know that until I hear it for what it is.. I might have thought all that snapping and barking was meant for me. I might have made connections I didn’t need to make: that I did something wrong, which brought on this pursuit and, at some point, I’m just going to have to endure the violent repercussions.
2. I can handle the bigger ones, even if they do have teeth. There are relationships I really ought to care for more devotedly. But I can do that. There are personal practices I need to pick up (or pick back up). But I can do that, too. Both of those things will cost me time and energy… but I have both time and energy to apply to those things, especially now that I know that I don’t have to spend it on all the other noise.