All posts in CMY(K): Letters From Y

CMY(K) – Remember Me, Jesus (“Y”, Track 1): Letter To A “Queer” Sister

(NOTE: The term “queer” has been recently reclaimed by the LGBT community in books and blogs etc.. in order to move away from what is considered unhelpful categorization of sexual identity. My use of the term is an attempt to meet my “queer” friends, sisters and brothers on their conversational terms.)


Most of the songs that make up the CMY(K) project are written for and about friends. I am posting the letters I’ve written to these friends letting them know about their song.  Below is the letter I wrote to a friend for whom i wrote “Remember Me, Jesus.”  The song appears on the EP entitled “Y.”

I wrote the song “Remember Me, Jesus” with you in mind. Below is a letter explaining a bit more of why.

We are not alike, you and I. We do not always agree. Our disagreements are often about pressing and vital issues of identity; issues that, when disagreed upon, can end friendships. So I’m deeply thankful that agreement is not the foundation of our friendship. Not only have our disagreements not been the end of our friendship, they have enriched it, adding depth to both our lives and born fruit between us. I believe that this has been the case because, despite our differences of opinion regarding identity issues, we share the same core identity: we are both Beloved.

You’ve taken the matter of your identity very seriously. Even your formal education has been less about preparation for a career than it has been about finding and developing a more sure foundation for your identity; a way to verify (and at your lesser moments, justify) who you are. It has been a joy to watch and share in. I honor you for your diligence.

Of course, your path towards identity has rarely been a straight one. It has been strewn with obstacles set before you at times by history, at times by dumb luck and often enough by your own hand. Even at this early crossroads in life, much of your way can be fairly characterized as ‘queer.’ Yet, regardless of the apparent chaos of your way, you have always had an urgent, internal sense of purpose and direction…

…you are not simply a wanderer.

Despite of the apparent oddity of your way, you have also had an urgent, internal sense of belonging..

…you are not simply ‘queer.’

Whatever benefit being “the outsider” might have had in the past has been supplanted by the desire to belong to a particular people and feel rightly placed; to be folded in without being smothered; to actively shape and live in a truly graceful community, marked by the loving work of reconciliation. While you will not (and should not) conform simply in order to fit in, you are discovering that the difference between you and others is no longer the center of your identity. You are more than queer, more than odd, more than the lovable outsider. You are beginning to see and believe that before you are anything else, you are Beloved.

Being “Beloved” is an identity you did not and cannot earn; one you did not carefully craft and did not unearth from layers of false identity, though there is some value to that process as well. Instead, you have slowly (and sometimes reluctantly) received your . New Name at the loving and patient hand of those you have allowed to have influence over you. What a mystery this is: our identity is given to us. We are not what we make ourselves, we are who we are made by those we allow to love us.

In embracing yourself as “Beloved,” you are embracing a shared identity; it is not your name alone, but a name you share with me and a litany of others we would not have chosen to call “Beloved” were it up to us. This is why you find yourself in community with so many who do not share your worldview; you did not choose them. Christ chose them just as Christ chose you.. and drew them near just as Christ drew you near. So long as you remain faithful to who you are in Christ, you will be surrounded by sisters and brothers who either do not understand who you are or do not agree,.. some of whom will be close friends.

Of course, that is a circumstance you are familiar with. For years now you have warred within yourself over these very same things; You have not always agreed with yourself about who you are. You have sometimes wished you did not believe the things you believe about yourself or your world. Some of those conflicts remain. But just as the conflicts you and I have are framed in the common identity we share, the conflicts in you are now overshadowed by the deep knowledge that you are fully known, loved and named by One in whom there is no conflict.

-May you continue to more deeply know yourself as Beloved.
-May you continue to trust God more readily than you trust yourself, even and especially as it regards your identity.
-May wanderers and outsiders find you among them and know they are loved by you.
-May you have the courage to lead those who you love to a place they can call Home; where they can know themselves as ‘Beloved.”

You can pick up the EP at iTunes.

It is also available at my web store. 
For more on the whole CMY(K) project, read the artist statement.

46 days ago /  Tagged: , , , 0

CMY(K) – Resurrection (“Y”, Track 1): Letter To A Christian Friend

Most of the songs that make up the CMY(K) project are written for and about friends. I am posting the letters I’ve written to these friends letting them know about their song.  Below is the letter I wrote to a friend for whom i wrote the song “Resurrection,” which appears on the EP entitled “Y.”
I wrote the song “Resurrection” with you in mind. Below is a letter explaining a bit more of why.

The christianity you grew up in almost killed you. In fact, it may well have at some point.  You were given hoops to jump through and lists to memorize lest you be unprepared to meet the ills of this depraved world. Regardless, you were ill-prepared.  In your christian training, favor was hard-earned and easily lost. You had the horrible misfortune of never having earned it to begin with so that when you floundered, it was only what was expected of you.  You never measured up but for short seasons at a time, at the end of which you would inevitably be found lacking in either faith or character once again.In a culture that generally values getting it right, you’ve often gotten it quite wrong.  You have lived long seasons of expecting the other boot to fall; never believing that, even when good fortune is granted you, it will last.  Sadly, you’ve been right about many of these seasons and that has verified the idea that, at least in some way, you are cursed.
But I do not believe your christian training provides light enough by which to accurately read the story of your life. I do not believe that yours is the story of a man who “can’t hold it together,” though much has fallen apart in your hands.  I do not believe that yours is the story of a man who is constantly sabotaging his own good fortune, though you have often done that as well. I do not believe you are a man whose past mistakes will forever haunt and corrupt the landscape of his future.  I believe that yours is a testimony of boundless mercy; of inexhaustible grace; of getting second chances seventy times and then seven times that.   
On one hand the sad reading of your life is accurate: How many times  has your life nearly imploded?  How many times have you shot yourself in the foot or jumped ship on something good because of some irrational fear? How many times have you schemed your way into some corner from which you believed the only escape was yet another scheme into another corner?  How many corners have you found yourself in?
In fact, you have found yourself even recently in yet another corner. But this time you didn’t scheme your way out. You stopped. You waited. You got caught holding the bag that contained all your failures.  In part you stopped because you were exhausted from the chase and had lost faith in your own plans. But more importantly, your exhaustion from running all these years allowed the better part of you to overpower the lesser part of you and move you past fear toward trust.
In the past, you believed being caught would have meant being exposed and that being exposed would mean shame, judgement and punishment. But that is not what you have found in being caught.  Being caught in this corner has meant experiencing the firm grasp of God and those He’s given to you.  That grasp can feel like a kind of violence at first.  But that it has not harmed or restricted you: it has held you still and in place long enough to hear the voice of the Father and His Family saying “You are a son and a brother. With you we are well pleased.”
You see, what your christian training failed to teach you is that failure is not a dead end, it is a doorway.  Through the doorway of failure you have found mercy and grace.  And though your former religion may have in fact killed you, it is by mercy and grace that you are being made alive again.
Only because you have failed as a friend have you come to know who your true friends are and that the foundation of those relationships cannot be shaken by your performance.
Only because you have failed as a son have you come to know that the love of a Father is unmoved by performanceand that you, in fact, do have a true Father. (This also means that you can BE a true father).Only because you have failed as a christian have you come to know that God never asked you to be a ‘christian’ to begin with.  He has pursued you. He has caught you. He has held you together. He has kept you.  None of this because you have done well and have therefore pleased the Father with your performance.  All of it because you are His.  And that is all he has asked you to be.. to be His and to know that He is pleased with you.
—
You can pick up the EP at iTunes.
It is also available at my web store. 
For more on the whole CMY(K) project, read the artist statement.

Resurrection from Justin McRoberts on Vimeo.

LYRICS:

It’s not about the drinking
It’s all about being drunk
It’s not with whom you’re sleeping
It’s with whom you wake up

It’s not about the wars you fight
It’s whether or not you win
Not so much about being right
As not letting all the wrong ones in

We all wan’t that resurrection
But we don’t want to die
We all wan’t that sweet salvation
Without the bitterness of sacrifice

It’s not about forgiveness
But making sure they know
You’re the one they’ve injured
But you’re too strong to let it show

It’s not about believing
It’s about making it look good
So when you loose your reason
You just keep doing what you should

90 days ago /  Tagged: , , , , 0