All posts in Discipleship

Across The Country To Do Some Listening

I’ll be in Washington DC for the next 3 days attending the Q conference. You can watch the first few sessions live. The Q Conference is a gathering of leaders and thinkers from key areas of culture to “consider how to advance the common good in a pluralistic society.”  I’ll be using Facebook and Twitter while I’m there to highlight moments I am moved or challenged by.  I’ll also be writing and hope to post something here at the blog…

..BUT..

Mostly, I know that this is a time to listen. I often talk too much and too soon. Among the women and men who are leading the discussion at Q are several whose wisdom is rooted in years of focused discipline, failure, trial and success. I will want to add to their conversation… but I will need to listen.

I don’t always have to add something. In fact, If I really do want to add something of substance, I need to be a man of substance and most of that comes by way of listening, watching and imitating women and men whose wisdom exceeds mine.  A lot of that type of person is at QDC this week.  So, I’m going to go listen.

Here are some of the folks I’m looking forward to listening to:

Andy Crouch
Gideon Strauss
Catherine Rohr
Janelle Paris
Miroslav Volf 

If you use Twitter, follow the hashtag #QDC for updates.

CMY(K) – Remember Me, Jesus (“Y”, Track 1): Letter To A “Queer” Sister

(NOTE: The term “queer” has been recently reclaimed by the LGBT community in books and blogs etc.. in order to move away from what is considered unhelpful categorization of sexual identity. My use of the term is an attempt to meet my “queer” friends, sisters and brothers on their conversational terms.)


Most of the songs that make up the CMY(K) project are written for and about friends. I am posting the letters I’ve written to these friends letting them know about their song.  Below is the letter I wrote to a friend for whom i wrote “Remember Me, Jesus.”  The song appears on the EP entitled “Y.”

I wrote the song “Remember Me, Jesus” with you in mind. Below is a letter explaining a bit more of why.

We are not alike, you and I. We do not always agree. Our disagreements are often about pressing and vital issues of identity; issues that, when disagreed upon, can end friendships. So I’m deeply thankful that agreement is not the foundation of our friendship. Not only have our disagreements not been the end of our friendship, they have enriched it, adding depth to both our lives and born fruit between us. I believe that this has been the case because, despite our differences of opinion regarding identity issues, we share the same core identity: we are both Beloved.

You’ve taken the matter of your identity very seriously. Even your formal education has been less about preparation for a career than it has been about finding and developing a more sure foundation for your identity; a way to verify (and at your lesser moments, justify) who you are. It has been a joy to watch and share in. I honor you for your diligence.

Of course, your path towards identity has rarely been a straight one. It has been strewn with obstacles set before you at times by history, at times by dumb luck and often enough by your own hand. Even at this early crossroads in life, much of your way can be fairly characterized as ‘queer.’ Yet, regardless of the apparent chaos of your way, you have always had an urgent, internal sense of purpose and direction…

…you are not simply a wanderer.

Despite of the apparent oddity of your way, you have also had an urgent, internal sense of belonging..

…you are not simply ‘queer.’

Whatever benefit being “the outsider” might have had in the past has been supplanted by the desire to belong to a particular people and feel rightly placed; to be folded in without being smothered; to actively shape and live in a truly graceful community, marked by the loving work of reconciliation. While you will not (and should not) conform simply in order to fit in, you are discovering that the difference between you and others is no longer the center of your identity. You are more than queer, more than odd, more than the lovable outsider. You are beginning to see and believe that before you are anything else, you are Beloved.

Being “Beloved” is an identity you did not and cannot earn; one you did not carefully craft and did not unearth from layers of false identity, though there is some value to that process as well. Instead, you have slowly (and sometimes reluctantly) received your . New Name at the loving and patient hand of those you have allowed to have influence over you. What a mystery this is: our identity is given to us. We are not what we make ourselves, we are who we are made by those we allow to love us.

In embracing yourself as “Beloved,” you are embracing a shared identity; it is not your name alone, but a name you share with me and a litany of others we would not have chosen to call “Beloved” were it up to us. This is why you find yourself in community with so many who do not share your worldview; you did not choose them. Christ chose them just as Christ chose you.. and drew them near just as Christ drew you near. So long as you remain faithful to who you are in Christ, you will be surrounded by sisters and brothers who either do not understand who you are or do not agree,.. some of whom will be close friends.

Of course, that is a circumstance you are familiar with. For years now you have warred within yourself over these very same things; You have not always agreed with yourself about who you are. You have sometimes wished you did not believe the things you believe about yourself or your world. Some of those conflicts remain. But just as the conflicts you and I have are framed in the common identity we share, the conflicts in you are now overshadowed by the deep knowledge that you are fully known, loved and named by One in whom there is no conflict.

-May you continue to more deeply know yourself as Beloved.
-May you continue to trust God more readily than you trust yourself, even and especially as it regards your identity.
-May wanderers and outsiders find you among them and know they are loved by you.
-May you have the courage to lead those who you love to a place they can call Home; where they can know themselves as ‘Beloved.”

You can pick up the EP at iTunes.

It is also available at my web store. 
For more on the whole CMY(K) project, read the artist statement.

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CMY(K): People Are Not Their Problems

In writing the letters that make up part of the CMY(K) project, I wanted to model an approach to pastoral practice that emphasized the Person rather than the Problem.  Eugene Peterson makes a compelling argument in his most recent memoirThe Pastor that far too much ministry focuses on relieving people of their problems; constantly calling attention to some issue or another.  I’m certainly guilty of this, myself.

But I am not defined by my problems and bristle at the thought of being primarily seen in the dark light of what is wrong with me.

The proper focus of Christian discipleship is the growth and shaping of a whole person who is loved by God as they are.  Discipleship is not the resolution or eradication of an individual’s set of issues so that they can become acceptable to God and His people.

In other words; in answer to questions I’ve been asked such as..

“Do you deal with homosexuality in your church?”
“Do you deal with doubt among your congregates?”

I would have to answer “No.” Not because sexual identity is unimportant or difficult to address or because everyone in my congregation is unshakably confident in the things they believe. But because I don’t want to “deal with” issues. I want to “deal with” people. I want to do my best, according to what wisdom I’ve been granted, to help them hear, interpret and then act on what they are hearing from God; trusting that He, in His wisdom, will speak to them about what specific things He is working on, shaping, changing or removing.

You can pick up all three CMY(K) ep’s at iTunes
You can find more about the CMY(K) project at http://cmykproject.info/
 You can dance if you want to. You can leave your friends behind here.

 

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Kony 2012 in Concord, CA

I think well of Invisible Children on the whole. The flaws of the organization have been publicly and thoroughly listed more recently and some of the critique is warranted. Regardless, I think it’s inarguable that the organization’s strengths dramatically outweigh its weaknesses.  That said, my primary concern is about the local expression of IC’s Cover the Night” campaign. Particulars interest me far more these days than more conceptual or philosophical discussions. 

On Sunday night, I sat down with a very motivated 16-year old who is organizing the Cover the Night campaign here in Concord, CA. (BTW: a 16-year old High School student motivated to let his city know about the deep injustices of their world is one reason I value the work of IC; they really do it better than almost anyone).  We talked about the diference between advocacy in a city like Los Angeles or New York and advocacy in a city like ours: Concord. Context matters: where we do what we do changes the way we do it.  Below are summaries of the agreements we came to regarding how he was going to go about executing Invisible Children’s “Cover the Night” campaign here in Concord, CA.

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1. Invite Others Into The Story.  The heart of Invisible Children’s legacy is excellent storytelling. So take the opportunity to tell the Kony story. Better yet, make that opportunity.  My concern is that the actual story might be buried under the frustration and confusion (and perhaps a bit of litter) that might well result from the way it is told.**

You were moved by the depth and seriousness of this story as well as the thrill of being involved; give others the chance to do the same.  Consider, instead of posting “Kony 2012” images on store fronts, cars etc.. without permission, using the time between now and April 20th to connect with store owners and ask if they would be interested in putting up the image in their window.  Ask your teachers and your principal; ask your neighbors.  With each ask, you have the opportunity to give someone a glimpse into the story that moved you to action.  Gather up a small group of your closest friends who are also committed to the cause and make a list of the places you’d like to post images.  Then divide that list up and start making calls or sending emails. Posters you put up without permission will likely catch many eyes but the ones you post with the permission of your community mean that you are taking your community with you into the story.

2. Expect More From Your Community: It is a temptation to believe that we, the enlightened, must awaken the lazy, sleeping masses from their apathy.  Yes, there are some among us for whom that is the case. But don’t assume that, because someone does not know about or care about your cause, they don’t have one of their own which is equally desperate and equally good.  Something about the blanketing of Concord with unasked-for campaign images says that we have to put something important in people’s faces to interrupt their being busy with unimportant things.  Again, for some this is very likely true.. just far fewer than we normally think.

3. Honor Your City
: Commit to going back and taking down any and all “Kony 2012” images you post.  Pick a date and tell the folks you partner with that you’ll return to do the job. Then show up and do it. This would particularly mean a great deal to any business owners you connect with.  Don’t make them responsible for the work you’ve been moved to do.

On that same note: Concord hosts an anti-graffiti and vandalism program.  Not every city has such a program and ours run largely by volunteers.  Honor Concord by not making a mess in order to shock or force people to hear your message.

4. Be Ready to Work. Cleaning up after yourself and connecting with folks in order to invite them in takes more time and means more up-front work for you.  But that’s part of why I’m suggesting it. The cause you’ve given yourself to is one among a sea of deeply complex and difficult causes.  Greater, smarter and more well-connected women and men than you and I have applied themselves to navigating these waters before us.  The work has cost many of them dearly in finances, hours and resources.  I want your entry into the world of justice to be some reflection of the actual nature of justice work: it’s hard and it’s slow and it quite often costs you more than you’re comfortable giving.

5. Measure The Cost Of Your Work.  In this case, posting the “Kony 2012” image on store-fronts and cars etc… doesn’t cost you and your friends much in simply putting them up; it does cost owners of the properties, cars and stores if they will be the ones who will take them down (not to mention that it is their space and not ours that will be.. um.. “occupied”.. by the image).  I believe that, in general,  good works come in the shape of the Cross. This doesn’t have to be a theological issue (though it is for me). For some it can simply be a good image by which to measure the goodness of a work: In general, a good work will cost us; a great work costs us dearly.  If it doesn’t cost me anything, that’s at least a sign that it might be self-serving at it’s root.

**A pair of residents were running for a seat on the HOA board in my condo complex.  When one of them taped a ‘campaign’ poster to our door (it was an attack on one of the other folks running) I wasn’t at all motivated to engage in the election process.

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Update from India: Gifts and Gift Givers

I am in India with Compassion International, visiting church partners who are serving their communities. Compassion’s philosophy inspires me partially because of how much sense it makes. Bob and Carol Lenz are on the same trip. Below is a short account of a gift they brought to the kids at one of Compassion’s church partners.
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Bob and Carol Lenz had brought along a bag full of small gifts to give to the kids, each gift identical to the others.  There were nearly 300 kids packed into the small room.  The gift required a small bit of explanation for use and so Bob began to walk through the steps, aided by a translator.  But the more Bob explained the details, the more the kids and the translator looked puzzled.

“We do not understand.” explained the Compassion staffer.  “These words are difficult to translate.”  You see, not only does English not smoothly translate into Hindi (India’s legally-established, national language), not all Indian’s speak Hindi. In fact, only Indian’s from the Northern regions speak Hindi.  Indian’s in the Southern regions mostly refuse to accept Hindi as the national language on political grounds and won’t even attempt to learn it.  More often than not, Indians in rural areas use regional, tribal dialects to communicate.

So, in order to rightly offer the gift Bob and Carol brought, we were each going to have to show each child how to unwrap, assemble and use the gift individually. This posed another obstacle: The room was so densely crowded that there was no foot-space between children. Should we try to access the kids in the middle, we would trample other kids on our way.

One of the Compassion staff took a gift from Bob, knelt on the ground in front of one child and showed her how to unwrap it, assemble it and use it. He then handed her another gift, still in the wrapping and gestured her to teach the boy behind her what to do.  We followed suit, showing the kids we had access to, the ones directly in front of us, how to unwrap, assemble and use the gift in such a way that they could then turn around and to the same for the child behind them and so on and so on.

There are 1.4 Billion people living in India. That’s one sixth of the world’s population in an area roughly one third the size of the U.S.  A large percentage of Indians live in desperate conditions which generally include a lack of education, lack of access to job opportunities and the utter absence of basic medical care.  Not only are the particular issues plaguing Indian’s overwhelming, the obstacles for Westerners wanting to help are equally overwhelming.

This is why I am so thankful for the way Compassion International works; partnering with already established local churches to assist their particular work among the particular people in a particular place.  Because Compassion works the way it does, our role (yours and mine) does not include wrapping our minds around all the intricacies and complexities of the “Problem” and trying to “Fix It.”  Instead, we get the blessed privilege and honor of caring for a particular child and doing so with the hopeful knowledge that kids who learn to read teach their families to read; kids who learn how to avoid water-borne illness teach their families to do the same; kids who discover the love of God in Christ pass that discovery on to their families and friends. 

The gift you and I get to offer has deep impact on the lives of kids because of the wonderful benefits child sponsorship affords (education, medical care, community, etc..).  But the deeper and more powerful impact is that, in Compassion partner churches, these kids are taught to see themselves as far more than people in need who receive the gifts of generous people.  They are taught that they are agents of healing, health, ingenuity and love themselves. They become gift-givers in their own neighborhoods for whom language and access are not obstacles at all. 

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A Girl In The War: Further Reflections On Being Right

This is a followup to a blog I posted Sunday regarding “rightness” being framed by relationship.
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I was in High School during the first Gulf War.  My friends and I held some very strong opinions about the war and even blocked traffic on the main road through town, holding anti-war signs.  A decade later, I was afforded the opportunity to play songs for, speak to and spend time with soldiers in the US military in Western Europe along with their families.  I received emails of thanks from teenagers whose parents had been serving in Iraq, Afghanistan and elsewhere. Some of these kids’ parents had lost limbs. Some had lost their lives. Each of these kids was deeply proud of their parents and their service.

Later, I found myself standing with a guitar in front of the Army’s 120th Division in South Carolina, most of whom were about nineteen years old.  Many of them were headed to serve on battlefields somewhere in the world. Not all of them would come back.

I still hold strong opinions about US foreign policy. But those opinions have taken on a much more human shape since “war” became a much more human affair for me.  This doesn’t mean a compromise in my principles, per se.  It does mean that my opinions have undergone a process of refinement, mainly because I more regularly find myself in the soup with people holding other and contrary opinions, many of whom I have deep respect for.  I can be (and am) a staunch supporter of the U.S. Armed services. I am also a responsible critic of much American Foreign Policy.  Holding my opinions is not as simple as it used to be nor is it as fulfilling to simply revel in those opinions.

My opinions about human affairs (and they are all human affairs), if they carry any weight, change the way I live. What I think about war or economics or sexual identity means I live differently in those areas, which means I will either enrich or impoverish my world depending on the accuracy and “rightness” of my opinion and the strength of my social network.

In Josh Ritter’s “Girl In The War” he writes a fictional dialogue between the Apostles Paul and Peter, reading in part…

“Peter said to Paul you know all those words we wrote
Are just the rules of the game and the rules are the first to go
But now talking to God is Laurel begging Hardy for a gun
got a girl in the war man I wonder what it is we done”

Paul said to Peter “You got to rock yourself a little harder
Pretend the dove from above is a dragon and your feet are on fire.”
“But I got a girl in the war Paul the only thing I know to do
Is turn up the music and pray that she makes it through.”

I love this. Paul stresses the deep in importance of “the game” (dragons and fire) while Peter likens it to “a war” involving someone he loves.  Setting rules to a game is one thing; playing that game is means people are actually involved, which often comes at the cost of rules being bent or even broken.  But the stuff of life is generally too important (and far too complicated) to be subject to dumbed down.  If I allow my opinions to subject to reductionism, the life I live will reflect that reductionism… and I don’t want a small, safe life.

 

So, you’re right. They are wrong.

So what?
What now?

It seems to me that the value of “rightness” or “being right” is measured by it’s impact or effect on people.  To be right about a diagnosis benefits the patient. To be right about geography benefits those on the trail or in the car. So, what good is it to be right unless I can offer my insights in love and charity?  There are no points to be earned by being right.  What good is it to be right if I do not have relationships to offer such insights to?  To use a terrible example: What good is it to be right about the best or only exit out of a burning building if the people in that building don’t trust you to lead them out?

It is not enough to be right. Trusting, loving relationships give right-mindedness a purpose and a place.

My friends and I used to hike and run around Mt. Diablo with my High School History teacher, John Millar.  He loved the mountain and knew it intricately; the seasons for certain flowers, insects or animals, the natural pattern of streams and creeks. He even knew where, should we venture off the marked trail, we could continue to make steady progress up the mountain.  Hiking and jogging with him, we came to know the mountain as he knew it, which meant we came to know it by the names he used.

About eight hundred meters up the Mitchell Canyon was a small hill Millar had named after one of his other hiking and jogging mates.  Just over a mile up that same canyon was another trail Millar would call “White’s Canyon.” Another mile past “White’s Canyon” we would normally stop to stretch at what he called “the ball-diamond.” Of course, none of these names appear on the maps issued by the State of California. These were Millar’s names. And by these names we came to know the mountain for ourselves.

The Mountain itself was, and always will be “Mt. Diablo”; it was too special a place for us to rename it wholesale. And, of course, the terrain itself never changed because of what we called it. But by renaming its landscape we came to know and love it as more intimately ours.

I chose (and still choose) to know the terrain of life as it is named by those who have lived it and loved it before me. “The official map,” as it were, can provide a way of initially seeing where I am but when it comes to something like the birth of a child, the death of a close friend, a first major vocational success or a cancer diagnosis, the official names and descriptions can fall dramatically short. It’s all well and good to know “this is the birth of your son,” but navigating the emotional and spiritual space of such a thing has always required a more personal and nuanced naming. More than that, the many times I’ve found myself “off trail” and in places that have no official names,  I’ve benefited greatly from having the experiences of other off-trail hikers passed on to me.

Part of why I do what I do as an artist and teacher is to help re-draw maps whose names are either insufficient, worn out or missing altogether; the kind of thing John Millar and other wise men did for me.

 

CMY(K): Heaven Knows (“M”, Track 1) Letter To A ‘Stuck’ Brother

Most of the songs that make up the CMY(K) project are written for and about friends, each of whom has or will receive letters about the songs. I’m posting a few of those letters here.  ”Heaven Knows″ is written for a young brother I’ve had the pleasure of knowing for years and seen wrestle with the authenticity of his faith.  This is the letter I wrote to him about the song:


Brother,
I wrote the song “Heaven Knows” for and about you.

You deeply desire to know and speak Truth. Your feet search for firm ground to stand on. You’d rather say nothing at all than echo the insane speculations of overconfident, arrogant and uninformed religion you remember from your past.  These things are honorable in you and worthy of celebration.  They are also evidence of a Divine work in you. The hard part of that work has been that it has meant years of restlessness and an inability at times to act with confidence.

You’ve engaged in many great conversations, read many insightful texts. Yet, more recently, the words of others have begun to fall short of your heart: you’ve not been moved and comforted by the same conversations and ideas you had been moved and comforted by previously.  I believe that this because it is your heart that needs to speak rather than be spoken to.  The time has come to act on what you do know rather than wait for further instruction, the next revelation or some deeper insight.

Until now, you have been full of words but few to none of them have been yours much less God’s. You have had little to no internal room for your own words because of the cacophony of voices swirling in you. Even the words you did speak were often arrangements of words you received from parents, your past or your former religion. But the time has come for you to speak your own words and to do so in confidence. You’ve come to know that the ground is there to stand upon and that the Truth is not as evasive as it once appeared.

You are not being asked to name anything. The time for conclusions and ‘naming’ has past (and another season like it is yet to come). For now, you are simply being asked to bear witness to what you have seen and let everything else be everything else. You are being asked to act according to what you know is True, regardless of the incompleteness of that knowledge.  Just as Phillip was bid by the Spirit of the Lord to “Go South” with no further explanation, you have your own “Go South” to obey.

So, I wanted to give you a way to see and remember that work begun in you is real and that it will be brought to completion; a way to see remember that your circumstances, present or past do not direct your path;  Your circumstances are not concrete; they are malleable.  The thing, moreso than any other that you are being asked to bear witness to, the thing that must direct your course of action henceforth is your identity in the Father, who calls you “son.”

Thomas Merton writes “God is not a ‘what,’ not a thing …there is no ‘what’ that can be called God. There is ‘no such thing’ as God because God is neither a ‘what’ or a ‘thing’ but pure ‘Who.’ He is the ‘Thou’ before whom our inmost ‘I’ springs into awareness. He is the I AM before whom, with our most personal and inalienable voice, we echo ‘I am.’

You are not stuck. You are not paralyzed. Not anymore. You have come to a moment you do not recognize; one that you were not prepared for. It is a pure moment… a moment without further breakthrough… no more revelation.. no deeper enlightenment.. You know everything you need to know. This moment is not about deeper knowledge, it is about the choice to act on the knowledge you’ve been mercifully granted; that you are a son of God.

Justin

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You can pick up the EP at iTunes.
It is also available at my web store. 
For more on the whole CMY(K) project, visit the CMYK info page.

Heaven Knows

You have asked me to feed them
With my blood and my bones
But my body is burdened with concerns of my own

Heaven knows that I want to
I want to but I just can’t

You have asked me to follow
To believe and obey
But the very thought of it is what keeps me away

Heaven knows that I want to
I want to but I just can’t

“Do you want to get well?”
It always seemed like the strangest thing to ask a man

 

 

CMY(K): Reticent (“C”, Track 3) Letter To A Young Brother

Several of the songs that make up the CMY(K) project are written for and about friends. I am posting the letters I’ve written to these friends letting them know about their song.  Below is the letter I wrote to a young man I’ve had the chance to teach and pastor. I wrote the song “Reticent” for and about him. The song appears on the EP “C” and you can listen to it at the Vimeo player below.

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I wrote the song “Reticent” for you. I hope it serves as a marker in your history; a way to remember what seems to be one of your life’s more pivotal seasons.

You have the ability to see clearly. Your analyses are generally accurate. Unfortunately, much of what you end up concentrating on is what is dark or broken.  This has often led you to crises of identity.  At times, your disappointment in the brokenness of things has led you to close your eyes and stop seeing… or at least want to.

Because of this kind of vision, you have often sought solitude and isolation in order that you might see and commune with the “Something Else” to which discontent always points. You had been convinced for a time that this Something Else was other-worldly and that in order to remain in touch with It, you would have to remove yourself from the “rest of world”… away from the emotional and the physical..

But on your journey toward the desert, you ran into other men. Men in whom you saw something deeply reflective of the “Something Else” you sought.  Men like Thomas Merton, who, in seeking a clearer vision of and connection to God came to realize that such a connection would lead them right back into the mess of life-with-others.

I must look for my identity,” Merton writes, “not only in God but in other men.  I will never be able to find myself if I isolate myself from be rest of mankind as if I were a different king of being.

For Merton, the Goodness of God, in which he desired to root himself, was not found only in solitude, away from the mess of humanity. It was also found in the mess of Humanity. Merton’s escapes or retreats served the purpose of learning to see both God and God’s creation more purely.  Put simply, learning to love God also means learning to love those God loves. And those God loves are not conceptual persons. They are emotional and physical persons.

And so, for you, just as for Merton, the question is no longer “is there good in the world?” or “where must I go to find it?” In fact, the question isn’t about the nature of the world at all; it’s a question about the posture of your heart in relationship to the world.

The question has become “Can I love?” Can you choose to engage patiently with those who “don’t get it.”  Can you choose to remain with people who frustrate and disappoint you? Can you sit still not just in silence and alone but over the long-haul with those messy ones to whom God has given you? Can you love?

The odd thing about this question is that its answer is not static; It is not a simple “yes” or “no” given at one particular moment in your life. It is an answer that is revealed (even to you) through a lifetime of choices to engage, to listen, to guide, to help,.. to remain. It is an answer you will work out in fear and trembling.. one that will be established by grace, just as it has been started.

“I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus. For it is only right for me to feel this way about you all, because I have you in my heart,..” -Philippians 1.6,7

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You can pick up the EP at iTunes.
It is also available at my web store. 
For more on the whole CMY(K) project, visit the CMYK info page.

Reticent
I hold these truths to be so good
That they cannot be understood
Were I to hold them in my grasp
Then surely they’d no longer last

I’m reticent to sign my name
To something that won’t last beyond the day
I’m holding out for something real
Something I can’t feel

I feel so close to everything
It’s all lit up here on the screen
(I’ve found) What’s best in life cannot be seen
Will never be. Has never been

This is the way I save my own soul
I stay disengaged and stay in control

So bring on the new thing…