All posts in Through Songs I Was First Undone

Georgia Lee (Part 2)

I’ve been writing a series of blogs on the songs that make up my most recent release, a covers project entitled “Through Songs I Was First Undone.”  The moments I’ve had with the artists whose music makes up this album have been sacred moments. These artists and their songs have been central to the necessary undoing of the expectations and limitations I habitually place on God and humanity.

Here is part two of why Tom Waits’ “Georgia Lee” is on the album:

The song’s opening line “cold was the night, hard was the ground” is an echo of Blind Willie Johnson’s haunting 1927 recording “Dark Was the Night, Cold Was the Ground, When They Laid My Savior Down,” a song of lament for the crucifixion and death of Jesus.

I find the layers of contrast and tension created by Wait’s word choice here captivating and at the same time unsettling.  Waits begins a song about the apparent inattentiveness of God to the death of a runaway by referencing a song about the death of God Himself in Christ; a song that, in turn, is written and performed by a man who, like Georgia, was poor, black and largely unnoticed until after his death.*  All of this in one line. Genius.

So, in a nod to Waits’ choice to nod lyrically to Blind Willie Johnson, my recording of the song begins with an audio-nod to Pedro the Lion’s “The Longer I Lay Here.”  Listeners will hear 6 beats of click-track to begin the song.  The click is normally hidden but, like Bazan who produced “It’s Hard To Find A Friend,” we left the click exposed.  Bazan chose to let the click track remain throughout the entire song.

The parallel here is a reflection of the way I receive Georgia Lee as a listener, which is much of why I covered it for the album.  Listeners like myself are drawn to songs of like Georgia Lee and the larger bodies of work by David Bazan/Pedro the Lion because these songs provide words and shape to a very real experience of God that has little media attention paid to it: His absence.

The suffering of children at the hands of foul men or corruption of any kind often leads us along a line of questioning which comes to a tumbling, awkward end in an eerily empty space… eery because it is the space we thought we would find God, smiling knowingly, with a cup of hot chocolate and all the answers our shaken hearts desire about suffering, death and the like.. but many do not.   Though this doesn’t at all represent a loss of faith, it is nonetheless a place of desperate, soul-wrenching tension… a place in which one must choose against ones “better judgement” when responding to the question “Why wasn’t God there?”

(At another point, I’d like to take a more philosophical look at the experience of God’s absence or disappointment with God in the context of faith.  For now, I’m going to stick with the song’s place on the album in the light of that same tension.)

Waits’ song doesn’t answer it’s own question.  Nor should it be required to.  It is enough for the song and artist to ask it; to create space  for the tension between assurance and doubt.  In fact, the temptation to answer such questions prematurely is partly what makes some contemporary christian art seem so disconnected or shallow.  It communicates a disregard for what I have come to know as an authentic and vital aspect of faith: doubt.

The empty spaces we sometimes find ourselves in are part of a mature emotional and spiritual landscape.  It is about these spaces that works like “The Dark Night of the Soul” or “The Cloud of Unknowing” have been written, assuring those on a journey of faith that there is nothing broken; that this is part of what the map looks like.  In “Caring For Words In a Culture of Lies” Marilyn McEntyre notes that it is in the silence after a sentence or the space left at the end of a line where a reader actually has the ‘space’ to engage, to receive and to process… to more fully know what was just written (or spoken, or sung).  She calls this “the hospitality of our own silences.”

Wait’s “Georgia Lee,” and the space that follows it, has been a hospitable silence for me.


You can purchase the song or the album here
You can also find it at iTunes

Mule Variations

Georgia Lee (part 1)

I’ve been writing a series of blogs on the songs that make up my most recent release, a covers project entitled “Through Songs I Was First Undone.”  The moments I’ve had with the artists whose music makes up this album have been sacred moments. These artists and their songs have been central to the necessary undoing of the expectations and limitations I habitually place on God and humanity.

Here is part one of why Tom Waits’ “Georgia Lee” is on the album:

My first knowledge of Tom Waits actually came by way of Primus; a band I listened to incessantly as a teenager.  Wait’s appears on Primus’ dark and quirky 1991 release “Sailing The Seas of Cheese.” He is featured on a track entitled “Tommy The Cat” as the voice of Tommy, who is, of course, a cat.  Interesting bit of trivia: Primus backs Waits on the opening track to “Mule Variations,” the same album from which we get the song “Georgia Lee.”

Waits wrote Georgia Lee with his wife, Kathleen after the body of 12-year old Georgia Lee Moses was found off Highway 101 in Petaluma, CA, just north of San Francisco.  Discovered on Aug 23, 1997, Georgia had run away and was missing for over two weeks before her absence was noticed; a more common occurrence in low-income or impoverished areas.  In fact, just four years earlier, the absence of Polly Klaas, a 12-year old girl from an upper middle class neighborhood in the same county as Georgia Moses, had stirred outrage and action nationwide.  Major celebrities and news outlets committed hours of time to finding her.  Polly’s kidnapper and eventual murderer was arrested and is now on death row.  The man who killed Georgia was never found.


“Not to make it a racial matter,” Waits said “but it was one of those things where, you know, she’s a black kid, and when it comes to missing children and unsolved crimes, a lot of it has to do with timing, or publicity . . . and there was this whole Polly Klaas Foundation up here, while Georgia Lee did not get any real attention.  And I wanted to write a song about it.”




Road-Side Monument for Georgia Lee in Petaluma, CA




I don’t at all mean to belittle the time and energy spent searching for, mourning and remembering Polly Klaas.  Nor do I believe Waits intended to do so.  Quite the opposite in fact; that a child goes missing from their home or neighborhood should be cause for all regularly-scheduled programming to pause.. any child…

And perhaps it was simply “to do with timing” that there was so much attention paid to the finding of one child, while another child’s absence and death can be simply read as the lay of the land. I’m not suggesting that media attention is the most accurate measure of our concern for life but the nightly news is at least some reflection of collective consciousness; some reflection of what things are of value to us;  what things we are watching, listening to and present to.

A year after services were held, Waits is quoted as saying about the service “I guess everybody was wondering, where were the police, where was the deacon, where were the social workers, and where was I and where were you.”

So while it might not be CNN or FOX or even the local paper, it has to be someone, doesn’t it? Isn’t that what our hearts demand?.. that someone is watching, someone is listening, someone is there for the other child? for every child?

“Where were her parents?  What kind of parent allows their child to run away and doesn’t call the police?” we ask.  All the while knowing that parents are not always good parents; sometimes parents are only children themselves, as Wait’s writes:  “A lot of kids are raising their parents.”

“So, If not her parents,” we concede “then what about her neighbors?  What kind of neighborhood lets one of it’s little ones simply disappear?”  At which my own heart sinks because I do not know the names of children who live only a few units away from me.

What kind of world is it, then, in which the in the foundational institutions set in place to facilitate the development of young life so consistently fail?

This progression of questions about the broken nature of things leads us to the One whose world it is… or at least to the places we expect to find Him.  The SF Chronicle reported that Waits attended Georgia Moses’ memorial service, “sitting quietly at the back of the crowded church.”

Why wasn’t God watching?
Why wasn’t God listening?
Why wasn’t God there?

If not the news networks, the families or the neighbors.. If not the world He made, then must not God Himself protect the most vulnerable among us?

Part 2 coming shortly…

You can purchase the song or the album here
You can also find it at iTunes

1-58243-160-4

The Deconstruction of “Through Songs I Was First Undone”

In the opening pages of Wendell Berry’s Jayber Crow is a notice reading:

Persons attempting to find a “text” in this book will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find a “subtext” will be banished; persons attempting to explain, interpret, explicate, analyze, deconstruct or otherwise “understand” it will be exiled to a desert island in the company of only other explainers.

Yes.
Sir.
Got it.

By no means do I intend to dismantle Trent Reznor’s psyche or read some kind of tacky, machine-molded, pastel and porcelain symbology into George Michael.  I sincerely respect and understand Berry’s warning about our (read: my) propensity to kill something beautiful by cutting it in pieces “figuring it out.”  However, I also heed the wise words of Marilyn Chandler McEntyre, who, in “Caring for Words in a Culture of Lies” writes:

Analysis is an act of love. Reading slowly, carefully, looking for pattern considering word choice, the logic of line breaks, figures of speech, pondering the fitness of images– these require a quality of attention that is comparable to the kind of attending a lover pays to the beloved.

It is in this spirit that, tomorrow, I will begin to take a loving look at the songs I’ve chosen for Through Songs I Was First Undone. To write, lovingly, about what is knowable regarding each song and the ways each has ‘undone’ me.  In certain cases, I’ll also be sharing about studio process and some intentional decisions made while recording in order to draw something out of these very alive and still speaking works.

I’ll begin with Georgia Lee.


African Eunuchs and The Secret Message of Rock Music (Through Songs I Was First Undone Part III)

Phillip was headed south. He wasn’t given a destination.  Or at least if there was a destination, we’re not told what it was.  All we know from what is written is that he was to go south and that the road he was to travel was a “wilderness road.”  Most of us don’t travel on “wilderness roads,” so for the sake of cohesive imagery, let’s picture driving on any of the major interstates in PA.

On the way South, along this wilderness road, Phillip came across a eunuch from Ethiopia…

…you know,.. like you do.

Now, if you’re like me and you come across an Ethiopian eunuch in a chariot, you don’t think too much of it.  But in this case, something strange was afoot at the Ethiopian eunuch’s chariot. The Spirit of the LORD said to Phillip, “Go to that chariot and stay near it.”

“…go to the chariot… stay near it…”

Not “go and plant a seed” or “go and deliver the message but don’t get involved.”

“Go and stay.”

This is not the language of agenda or strategy. This is the language of proximity; the language of incarnation.

Phillip ran to the chariot and upon reaching it, heard the man in it reading the words of sacred Scripture;  words of the prophet Isaiah; words Philip was familiar with which foreshadowed the life and death of the One Phillip had come to know as the resurrected Jesus.

What a strange twist to the story: Phillip did not bring the Word of God to the chariot; It was there when he arrived. In an setting Phillip was unfamiliar with.

It was already there.
Pregnant with life.
Waiting.

Phillip asked the Ethiopian: “Do you understand what you are reading?”  To which the man replied: “How can I, unless someone explains it to me.”  And then the Ethiopian invited Phillip into his chariot.

Go. Stay. Get in.

To be in the chariot is to for Phillip to no longer have control.  His feet off the ground, his “destination” was now wherever this man was heading; Phillip’s journey was now linked with the journey of this stranger; his story now intercepted and invaded by this stranger’s story.

And it is in that setting, unfamiliar and uncontrolled, that the conversation turned to the Story that is both their stories; the Story that is our story as well.  A story so deeply ingrained in this world and in our hearts that every story ends up being some shade of it, leaving us only with the option, the adventure, the joy and responsibility of discovering it… where it already is.

What I am doing, in part, with this new project is asking my christian brothers and sisters to approach chariots they might be unfamiliar with; even perhaps suspicious or afraid of… and stay.

… to make a discipline of engaging, listening and seeing… much as we have made a discipline of dividing, discerning and judging.

…to be actively present instead of eager to leave…

…and in that discipline of being actively present, to recognize the story and song of the Divine where it already is rather than believe it only ends up where we take it…

…to know well enough the texts our neighbors are reading that we could ask, knowingly “Do you understand what you are reading?”…

…to get in and see the story from the seat our neighbors are sitting in and “explain” as best we can, as best we know, as thoroughly as possible.. Life. Death. Resurrection. Covenant. Kingdom. Glory. Hope. Loss. Victory… Trusting not to our wisdom or education but to the pervasiveness of the Story Itself and to the Sovereignty of the One whose Story it ultimately is.

You can purchase the album at my web store now.
You can also find it at iTunes.

McKiss

Evidence of a Colorful Youth

During my first post about the new album, I mentioned my early work as an artist in a neighborhood KISS cover band.  I wanted to leave no doubt whatsoever regarding my history with rock music and the shaping that genre has done in me.

That’s me on the right.

It was 1979. I was 5.

I was barely in kindergarten…

… but I was in the KISS Army.

soul-audio

Interview About “Through Songs I Was First Undone”

Last month, I did a short interview with Soul-Audio about the new album.  Here is an excerpt from my conversation with content editor Andrew Greenhalgh:

“Soul-Audio: Earlier, in reference to Waits’ “Georgia Lee,”  you talked about the subject matter of openly and honestly questioning God, i.e, “Why wasn’t God watching, listening, whatever.”  And said that, “I live there a lot of the time. I have a suspicion that many of us do.” Now, I totally concur with that. We do live in that state of questioning, even though we don’t always own up to it. And truthfully, a lot of Christian music doesn’t openly address these questions; rather, they seem to offer up simple platitudes as opposed to tackling the issues head on. Is it important for you to address these kind of questions? And why do you feel as though the industry, the CCM one, anyway, is more reluctant to do so?

Justin: I find a great sense of normality in songs like Georgia Lee; songs that reflect a disconnect between man and God. My experience of faith has been that it is a difficult road to travel on and ‘choosing to believe’ at times is a sacrifice of pride and intellect that I am unwilling to make. To trust God in the face of deep tragedy is most often not as simple or easy as waiting for the tension of minor chords to resolve into major chords which reinforce the soaring, full-throated declaration that “I will praise You in this storm.” While I think that declaration is beautiful and necessary in its place, so is the song that says “My boat sank and I lost everything I cared about.. where the hell were you?”

I would further add that there is something at least equally redemptive in giving legitimacy to these expressions of frustration and doubt. After all, before Job said to God “Surely I spoke of things I did not understand” he.. well… spoke of things he did not understand. It is BECAUSE of his courage to confront God on what he saw as unjust action that he came to really KNOW what he had previously taken for granted.

It’s important for me to voice these things on a few levels. For myself to make my own soul known to me; art serves this purpose in my life.. I am able to read myself more clearly in the things I write, especially as time passes after a recording. I also believe it’s important to create space for the many of us who live here to have a sense of normalcy in our doubts.

As you mention, there is plenty of space provided for those more ‘certain’ about their faith; I am hoping to provide some room for the rest of us.

As regards the reluctance of the CCM to do or not do anything in particular, I can only guess; not knowing very many people working in its ranks anymore. I know that it is that it’s much harder to sell a story that makes people uncomfortable; a complicated or unresolved story. The CCM industry is just that: an industry. It’s not a church and we often expect of them the same principles we do of our local congregation. The job of an industry is to sell things. A Christian industry sells Christianity. A Christianity shrouded in mystery is a hard sell. Certainty? Well, that we can do.”

Read the whole interview here

GOD2

Marketability and the Good (Through Songs I Was First Undone, Part II)

(You can read Part 1 here.)

“In the beginning,..”  there was no stuff.  There was darkness and void… it totally sucked.

God knew it sucked and so He went about making it not suck.  He did this in a very interesting way.

So, while there was no stuff, God made light by which to see the stuff God would eventually make.

And when God had made the light, “God saw that the light was good.”

The light was “good”…

um…

…good for what?  There’s no stuff. Stuff had not been made yet.  The purpose of light is to make stuff see-able.. So that we would know what we were buying… and eventually returning or replacing (which is another story).  That’s the point of light, is it not?

But before light was good FOR something,.. God called it “good”?

God then went about saying the same thing about just about all the stuff He was making… Even before we were there to use it…

The seas were “good.”  The vegetation was “good.” and on and on.

All the stuff was good simply because He saw it that way… simply because He had made it.  Creation was (and is) of value to God because it is His,.. not because of it’s usefulness.  So that the innate value of all things would rest in its relationship to the Creator. Not it’s usefulness to other parts of Creation nor it’s nearly arbitrary value in the Marketplace…

All Creation has value,
All Creation is good, because
He is… and it is His.

I think we have this understanding of value almost entirely upside down, backwards and inside out (much like I do when trying to fold a fitted sheet… it’s a travesty.)  The dominant value system is so driven by and distorted by utility and profit that we struggle to find value in the the poor, the developmentally disabled, the unborn, the elderly, the Raiders… the least of these.

This is where I believe art is central and necessary for the human heart: In art, the value-relationship between Creator and Creation is expressed more clearly than just about anywhere else.  A piece is not worth what it sells for.  Be it 99c to $1.29 for a digital track or $30 to $5M for a painting, the monetary scale hardly tells us anything about a work’s ultimate/inate value.  What makes a song or a sculpture worth something or “good” generally has little if anything to do with the money it generates.

I believe we must come to this understanding in relationship to one another.  I also believe that embracing this value system as it is expressed in and through art is a key to that understanding.

This is part of why, in a time when the ‘value’ of art is seemingly in constant flux and negotiation…

-“Tweet about it and get it for free!”

-“Tell your friends about it and get it for a deal plus a second copy!”

-“Get your parents to think about tweeting about it to their friends and they’ll get a free copy of it, plus a shirt that reads ‘My parents thought about tweeting about Justin McRoberts’ new album and all I got was this lousy shirt’.

.. I really wanted to do an album that was simply worth doing. It is not the most marketable thing I could have done at this point and though I hope folks enjoy it and support me when I release it, I honestly would have done the project were there no prospect at all for sales.

Now, don’t get me wrong; i’m not ‘against’ free music downloads and new forms of consumer media exchange.  In fact, I (heart) Noisetrade.. I
really do.. But Noistrade is not an end in and of itself.  Those behind the experiment are people who value art and are counting on medium of Noisetrade to help create a culture in which art is a good worthy of our social and financial support.

Art communicates value in a way that very little, if anything, in all this world communicates value.  My songs are not worth what listeners buy them for.  Their value simply cannot be measured in that way.  This album will not have been “worth it” if it sells well; it is worth it because the songs are good; and the songs are good because there is something of God in/about/through them…

…just as there is in all art… just as there is in you and me.

Through Songs I Was First Undone

Sacred and Profane (Through Songs I Was First Undone, Part 1)

The first musical purchase I ever made was a the Police’s “ Synchronicity.”  I bought it on tape.  This wasn’t so much because I had incredibly discerning taste as a 9-year-old (in fact, my second musical purchase was “Chipmunk Punk” and I loved it with equal fervor).. it was that I lived in a neighborhood with a few older boys who did have excellent taste in music.  Because of these neighbors and their musical taste, I grew up on a steady diet of The Rolling Stones, Journey, The Smiths, Depeche Mode, Run DMC and a whole grip of others including the aforementioned Police.

Of course, they didn’t only pass the music along to me; they taught me to listen to it.  Not as background, or something to listen to while heading somewhere else.. It was the destination.  I would get in my friend’s car and drive.. headed nowhere in particular..  just so we could listen to music on his stereo.  Sure, we were normal boys; we painted our faces and pretended we were spies or Green Berets sneaking through our own back yards. But we also donned black and white make-up, tore up some sleeveless shirts and put on a lip-synced concert of Kiss’ “Dynasty” for the our parents and their friends.  I assume they were proud.. between the safety flares we had stuck into the ground and the make-up running into my eyes, I don’t recall seeing their faces.  It was in experiences such as this that I learned to love music.

And that was just the beginning.

I remember being at the Warfield in San Francisco in 1987, bummed that we showed up so early to see The Cult.  I had never heard of the other band and braced myself for the excruciating boredom often associated with sitting through an opening act.  45 minutes later, I picked my jaw up from the floor and asked the mohawk next to me who that amazing band was.  “Dude” he said, placing his huge tattooed hand on my shoulder, which smelled like clove cigarettes and mouthwash, “they’re called ‘Guns n Roses.’  They’re from L.A.  They’re aaaaawwwsome.” And they were.

I remember seeing REM at the Oakland-Alameda Coliseum, playing songs from the album GREEN and being transfixed along with about 19,000 others when it got quiet enough in the basketball arena for Michael Stipe to sing “You Are the Everything” without the band… through a bullhorn.  We slept in the parking lot of the Coliseum and went to see U2 on the Joshua Tree tour the very next night.  The Bodeans opened the show followed by the Pretenders.  I held hands with 60,000 strangers and sang “How long to sing this song?” for a solid 10 minutes after the stadium lights came on to tell us that it was time to go home.

More recently, I remember watching Tom Waits sing “Day After Tomorrow” at the tail end of the Daily Show and hitting ‘mute’ as the song faded so that the commercials Comedy Central runs wouldn’t ruin the vibe… I wanted to sit in that moment for a while.  There was something special about it.. more than special.. was it sacred?

Well.. I suppose that is something I am comfortable saying about my new album and the song choices I made…

I believe there is as much of God in the songs of Glen Phillips as there is in the songs of Phillips, Craig and Dean; as much of the Kingdom revealed in the songs of Tom Waits as in the songs of Chris Tomlin.  It is my opinion that to believe otherwise is to believe in a god too small to truly be God.

In a book entitled “For The Life of The World,” Alexander Schemann (a household name for obvious reasons) writes..

“The world is a fallen world because it has fallen away from the awareness that God is all in all… And even the religion of this world cannot heal or redeem it for it has accepted the reduction of God to an area called ‘sacred’ as opposed to the world as ‘profane.’  It has accepted the all embracing secularism which attempts to steal the world away from Go
d.”

The moments I’ve had with the artists whose music makes up this new project have been sacred… undoubtedly.  It is key to note that these sacred moments have, for the most part, taken place outside of the boundaries of the christian marketplace and the ‘area’ generally reserved for the the activity of God.  These artists and their songs have been central to the necessary undoing of the expectations and limitations I habitually place on God; expectations of how, where and through whom God is revealed.  I recognize God in their art and I believe it is a duty, as an artist and a christian, to point Him out where He is and celebrate Him there.

Here is the track listing:

1. Georgia Lee (Tom Waits)
2. You Can’t Always Get What You Want (The Rolling Stones)
3. Save Me (Aimee Mann)
4. Fly From Heaven (Toad The Wet Sprocket)
5. Wildflowers (Tom Petty)
6. Head Like A Hole (Nine Inch Nails)
7. No One Is To Blame (Howard Jones)
8. Stripped (Depeche Mode)
9. Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want (The Smiths)
10. Freedom 90 (George Michael)

You can purchase the album here.

Second Sneak Peek At The New Album: George Michael’s “Freedom 90″

Not too long from now, I’ll be sharing a bit more about the heart of this project philosophically.  In the meantime, here’s your second sneak peek at Through Songs I Was First Undone: George Michael’s “Freedom 90.”

First Sneak Peek at The New Album

Things have been rather quiet here at the blog for a while as  the covers project came together. Thanks for your patience.
The next several posts here will be related to the new project (Through Songs I Was First Undone).  I’ll be writing about the significance of this project in my own life as well as insight/background on song choices and production choices.  I think you’ll find it interesting.. I do.. and I think we like the same things.. well not all the time.

Aaron James (MathDept.com) compiled images from the making of the “..Undone” artwork and then set the sequence to my cover of Nine Inch Nails’ “Head Like A Hole.”  I think it ends up being a nice introduction to the album…