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CMYK: The Communal Nature of Life and Faith

Near the heart of the CMYK project is the conviction that the limitations and challenges of life can and should be an invitation to life-together. The great moments and accomplishments of life are seldom realized in solitude and are certainly best celebrated with others.

Once upon a time, there were four able-bodied friends who had a fifth friend who could not walk or use his arms. These four friends had heard stories about Jesus and specifically that he did miraculous works of healing. That had also heard that this Jesus was in their town. Together, they set their friend on a mat and carried him across town to the place Jesus was rumored to be. When they arrived, the room was not only full, but full to overflowing.  But the faith and resolve of these four friends made a way around (or more accurately, over) the obstacle posed by the crowd, and they somehow got their friend onto the roof of that building. Then, cutting a hole in that roof, They lowered him to Jesus’ feet.

This feat, described in the second chapter of Mark’s Gospel, required a community of people. They could not have carried their friend across town, hoisted him onto the roof and then lowered him to the ground through that hole had there been only two of them, much less only one.  Such a great deed required an assembly of people acting in like-mindedness. And I think almost every great act, including acts of faith, bears that same communal character.

I can only imagine the celebration and years of joyful story-telling between the five friends from Mark ch 2. Because after they had done all they could do together, Jesus does something I still find stunning. He not only heals the man at his feet, but He does so because he saw the faith of that man’s friends – the friends who carried him across town, climbed the walls of that building, cut a hole in the roof, and lowered their friend to the floor to be healed.

Not because of the faith of the man in need.
Not because of the need of that same man.
Jesus healed that man because of the faith of his friends.

I think there is something very much like magic in the practice of life together.

  • I see it in the way, as scientist Matt Ridley discusses, mind-blowing advanced technology is creeated out of (and ONLY out of) the collective effort of women and men who are unable to do the jobs of their colleagues much less do the whole creative job on their own.
  • I see it in the way my church community just provided clean water for over 1000 people in Sub-Saharan Africa by drinking nothing but water for 40 days and giving the money otherwise spent on coffee, juice, beer etc.. to the Blood:Water Mission.
  • I see it in the seasons of my life when my faith in God was held together, not by internal fortitude and resilience, but by the strength of others’ faith.
  • I see it in the way my own identity is at times affirmed, at times challenged and always shaped by what loved-ones see in me.  There are things I believe about myself and my world because I trust the perspective of others over and against my own evaluation.

I don’t think interdependency is a weakness of character or of faith. I think my need for others is an invitation to participate in part of what makes life truly good: community, friendship, family.. togetherness.

I look forward to sharing the songs (new full-length album), letters and stories (first ever published book) that have been born out of my own practice of life-together. The final phase of the CMYK project is just about ready for release. 

44 days ago /  Tagged: , , 2
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More Than Just A Crowd

I did something really special Sunday night. I got together with about 30 friends from my community and recorded them singing a few songs for the new album.  On several levels, the CMYK project is a fruit of the commitment Amy and I have made to stay rooted here in the Bay Area with a particular community. Having the voice(s) of that community on the album, singing in some key phrases (as well as a few wordless melodies), goes a long way to making that statement with the songs themselves as well as what I’ve written (and am writing) in prose.

It was fun.
There were cookies involved.

Among those who gathered were a several friends for whom CMYK songs and letters were written, which made it even more meaningful for me. It was important that it wasn’t just “a crowd” singing those songs but that there were particular people, in that particular place,  singing those particular words about our particular experience of life together. 

This is part of the CMYK project’s heart: particularity.

I’ve grown weary of trying to find Universal Answers to the Major Issues of Life.  It’s not that I find such conversations unimportant; It’s just that they can be exhausting and leave me with less energy for the more practical (and enjoyable) pursuit of actually living life well and helping others do the same. As I’ve written elsewhere,  I don’t want to “deal with” issues, I want to live with people and in that context, when issues arise, they are not conceptual.

The point at which things get too big conceptually for me to get my brain around is often enough the same point at which I find my ability to actually influence things also dissipates.

I don’t know what to do/think about “homelessness” but I can talk to the homeless women and men I regularly encounter like they are human beings and support those friends I have who do have some grasp on “what to do” about people we know living under bridges.

I don’t know what to do/think about “global poverty” but I can be a faithful sponsor for the kids Amy and I support through Compassion.

I don’t know what to do/think about any number of Major Issues. I can’t see myself mastering those huge topics anytime in my life. But I do see myself becoming a better friend, more faithful pastor and a more present neighbor to people whose lives will at times be colored by issues.  And I’d rather do that.

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I’m currently trying to fund the CMYK Book and Album at Kickstarter and would love your support. 

251 days ago /  Tagged: , , , 0
Faithfulness always sets the stage for healing. And sometimes, faithfulness and consistency are what do the healing.

This is an excerpt from a longer sermon on the Book of Acts. 
–
In the third chapter of Acts is a striking story about John and Peter healing a man who could not walk.  Or, at least that’s how I’ve generally read the story; that it’s one about Peter and John healing a man.  But I’m beginning to see that it’s also about something more subtle but equally powerful.  On their way to the synagogue, they come across this man, who was taken by friends or neighbors to sit and beg at one of the city gates.  When he asks Peter and John for alms, Peter famously replies “silver and gold I have not, but what I have I give to you” and then proceeds to lift the man up, saying “in the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, rise and walk.”

For years I’ve read that story as bing about the “in-an-instant” healing. Only recently been struck by the other, pivotal part of this story. It’s in verse two. Five verses before the scene’s climax.

“People would lay him daily at the gate of the temple called the Beautiful Gate so that he could ask for alms from those entering the temple.”

Every day, friends or neighbors… someone would carry this man to the temple so that he could ask for help.

Every.
Day.

What happens if, on the day this striking and challenging story was to take place, those same folks had forgone their daily act of kindness and service?

You’re the teacher in whose classroom is that girl who is always on the edge of flunking out. Whose home-life is a mess and whose friends have already dropped out.

You’re the foster parent to a child who has been tossed around by his own family as well as the system.

You’re the friend to that fool who can’t stop shooting himself in the foot socially, financially and otherwise.

You’re the caseworker who has seen the same file dozens of times, over and over.

You’re the brother of a man whose addiction is devouring more and more of his life though he can’t see it or chooses not to.

Keep showing up. Keep teaching. Keep parenting. Keep caring. Keep working. Keep loving and telling the truth.  Because faithfulness always sets the stage for healing. And sometimes, faithfulness and consistency are what do the healing.

390 days ago /  Tagged: , , , 13

CMY(K) – Remember Me, Jesus (“Y”, Track 1): Letter To A “Queer” Sister

(NOTE: The term “queer” has been recently reclaimed by the LGBT community in books and blogs etc.. in order to move away from what is considered unhelpful categorization of sexual identity. My use of the term is an attempt to meet my “queer” friends, sisters and brothers on their conversational terms.)


Most of the songs that make up the CMY(K) project are written for and about friends. I am posting the letters I’ve written to these friends letting them know about their song.  Below is the letter I wrote to a friend for whom i wrote “Remember Me, Jesus.”  The song appears on the EP entitled “Y.”

I wrote the song “Remember Me, Jesus” with you in mind. Below is a letter explaining a bit more of why.

We are not alike, you and I. We do not always agree. Our disagreements are often about pressing and vital issues of identity; issues that, when disagreed upon, can end friendships. So I’m deeply thankful that agreement is not the foundation of our friendship. Not only have our disagreements not been the end of our friendship, they have enriched it, adding depth to both our lives and born fruit between us. I believe that this has been the case because, despite our differences of opinion regarding identity issues, we share the same core identity: we are both Beloved.

You’ve taken the matter of your identity very seriously. Even your formal education has been less about preparation for a career than it has been about finding and developing a more sure foundation for your identity; a way to verify (and at your lesser moments, justify) who you are. It has been a joy to watch and share in. I honor you for your diligence.

Of course, your path towards identity has rarely been a straight one. It has been strewn with obstacles set before you at times by history, at times by dumb luck and often enough by your own hand. Even at this early crossroads in life, much of your way can be fairly characterized as ‘queer.’ Yet, regardless of the apparent chaos of your way, you have always had an urgent, internal sense of purpose and direction…

…you are not simply a wanderer.

Despite of the apparent oddity of your way, you have also had an urgent, internal sense of belonging..

…you are not simply ‘queer.’

Whatever benefit being “the outsider” might have had in the past has been supplanted by the desire to belong to a particular people and feel rightly placed; to be folded in without being smothered; to actively shape and live in a truly graceful community, marked by the loving work of reconciliation. While you will not (and should not) conform simply in order to fit in, you are discovering that the difference between you and others is no longer the center of your identity. You are more than queer, more than odd, more than the lovable outsider. You are beginning to see and believe that before you are anything else, you are Beloved.

Being “Beloved” is an identity you did not and cannot earn; one you did not carefully craft and did not unearth from layers of false identity, though there is some value to that process as well. Instead, you have slowly (and sometimes reluctantly) received your . New Name at the loving and patient hand of those you have allowed to have influence over you. What a mystery this is: our identity is given to us. We are not what we make ourselves, we are who we are made by those we allow to love us.

In embracing yourself as “Beloved,” you are embracing a shared identity; it is not your name alone, but a name you share with me and a litany of others we would not have chosen to call “Beloved” were it up to us. This is why you find yourself in community with so many who do not share your worldview; you did not choose them. Christ chose them just as Christ chose you.. and drew them near just as Christ drew you near. So long as you remain faithful to who you are in Christ, you will be surrounded by sisters and brothers who either do not understand who you are or do not agree,.. some of whom will be close friends.

Of course, that is a circumstance you are familiar with. For years now you have warred within yourself over these very same things; You have not always agreed with yourself about who you are. You have sometimes wished you did not believe the things you believe about yourself or your world. Some of those conflicts remain. But just as the conflicts you and I have are framed in the common identity we share, the conflicts in you are now overshadowed by the deep knowledge that you are fully known, loved and named by One in whom there is no conflict.

-May you continue to more deeply know yourself as Beloved.
-May you continue to trust God more readily than you trust yourself, even and especially as it regards your identity.
-May wanderers and outsiders find you among them and know they are loved by you.
-May you have the courage to lead those who you love to a place they can call Home; where they can know themselves as ‘Beloved.”

You can pick up the EP at iTunes.

It is also available at my web store. 
For more on the whole CMY(K) project, read the artist statement.

414 days ago /  Tagged: , , , 0
You were part of this community when I first showed up. I left for a few years but when I came back you were still here. A lot else had changed and a lot of folks weren’t around anymore but you were. That made me feel like I had come back to the same place; to the same church. Like I had actually come home to something I could count on.

Several months ago, we bid farewell to a long-standing member our our church community. His departure was strictly geographical in nature; no ‘weird church drama’ involved.  A small group of us (7 men or so) with whom this brother was particularly connected gathered to formally send him on the next part of his journey.  Each of us shared some word of wisdom or encouragement (along with some legendary jabs) over the course of about 3 hours. Among them all, one comment stuck with me as most prominent.

While the wording might not be exact, the sentiment ran something like this:

“You were part of this community when I first showed up. I left for a few years but when I came back you were still here. A lot else had changed and a lot of folks weren’t around anymore but you were.  That made me feel like I had come back to the same place; to the same church. Like I had actually come home to something I could count on.”

I can honestly say that our church community has been held together not so much by the most talented or even wisest among us but by those who have faithfully weathered the years and chosen to remain.

Perhaps this goes without saying but this is not just about church culture..

-It’s about being the teacher who, even after years the political and cultural devaluing of your job, simply won’t quit on kids or their education.

-It’s about being the politician who, despite the force of currents moving against you, continues to act with sincerity and integrity.

-Its about being the divorced husband or wife who, despite all the awkwardness and frustration, continues to make time with their children the highest priority.

-It’s about being the friend who is there for your friends 5, 7, 10, 20 years later.

There is simply no replacement for faithful presence; it is perhaps the greatest gift a person can offer another person.

435 days ago /  Tagged: , , 3

I had hiked to the top of the hill to catch the sunset and found a very tall, wooden cross planted at the summit. In the wood, folks had etched their names, scripture verses, words like “Christ 4 Life!” or “I love Jesus!.” Others had etched crosses into the cross, which seems.. well, like quite a redundancy.  And while I didn’t actually scoff at anything on the cross, I might as well have.  I often don’t notice until after I’ve done so, but I have a natural propensity for filing certain expressions of faith under categories of “unhelpful” or “juvenile.”

Earlier in the day, I had written about the grace upon which the christian community is founded. During the piece, I wrote that “if God is planning on judging His children according to the rightness of our theology, we ought to all be very concerned.”  The line was bouncing around my head and on my walk down the hill, it came collided with the list of judgements I’d made about those etchings.

I was reminded that I belong to a tradition in which even the most juvenile expression is, on some level, accepted; that it is by the same grace that my expression is accepted.  After all, what is more juvenile than being judgmental?

530 days ago /  Tagged: , 0

CMY(K): Reticent (“C”, Track 3) Letter To A Young Brother

Several of the songs that make up the CMY(K) project are written for and about friends. I am posting the letters I’ve written to these friends letting them know about their song.  Below is the letter I wrote to a young man I’ve had the chance to teach and pastor. I wrote the song “Reticent” for and about him. The song appears on the EP “C” and you can listen to it at the Vimeo player below.

—–
I wrote the song “Reticent” for you. I hope it serves as a marker in your history; a way to remember what seems to be one of your life’s more pivotal seasons.

You have the ability to see clearly. Your analyses are generally accurate. Unfortunately, much of what you end up concentrating on is what is dark or broken.  This has often led you to crises of identity.  At times, your disappointment in the brokenness of things has led you to close your eyes and stop seeing… or at least want to.

Because of this kind of vision, you have often sought solitude and isolation in order that you might see and commune with the “Something Else” to which discontent always points. You had been convinced for a time that this Something Else was other-worldly and that in order to remain in touch with It, you would have to remove yourself from the “rest of world”… away from the emotional and the physical..

But on your journey toward the desert, you ran into other men. Men in whom you saw something deeply reflective of the “Something Else” you sought.  Men like Thomas Merton, who, in seeking a clearer vision of and connection to God came to realize that such a connection would lead them right back into the mess of life-with-others.

“I must look for my identity,” Merton writes, “not only in God but in other men.  I will never be able to find myself if I isolate myself from be rest of mankind as if I were a different king of being.”

For Merton, the Goodness of God, in which he desired to root himself, was not found only in solitude, away from the mess of humanity. It was also found in the mess of Humanity. Merton’s escapes or retreats served the purpose of learning to see both God and God’s creation more purely.  Put simply, learning to love God also means learning to love those God loves. And those God loves are not conceptual persons. They are emotional and physical persons.

And so, for you, just as for Merton, the question is no longer “is there good in the world?” or “where must I go to find it?” In fact, the question isn’t about the nature of the world at all; it’s a question about the posture of your heart in relationship to the world.

The question has become “Can I love?” Can you choose to engage patiently with those who “don’t get it.”  Can you choose to remain with people who frustrate and disappoint you? Can you sit still not just in silence and alone but over the long-haul with those messy ones to whom God has given you? Can you love?

The odd thing about this question is that its answer is not static; It is not a simple “yes” or “no” given at one particular moment in your life. It is an answer that is revealed (even to you) through a lifetime of choices to engage, to listen, to guide, to help,.. to remain. It is an answer you will work out in fear and trembling.. one that will be established by grace, just as it has been started.

“I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus. For it is only right for me to feel this way about you all, because I have you in my heart,..” -Philippians 1.6,7

——

You can pick up the EP at iTunes.
It is also available at my web store. 
For more on the whole CMY(K) project, visit the CMYK info page.

Reticent
I hold these truths to be so good
That they cannot be understood
Were I to hold them in my grasp
Then surely they’d no longer last

I’m reticent to sign my name
To something that won’t last beyond the day
I’m holding out for something real
Something I can’t feel

I feel so close to everything
It’s all lit up here on the screen
(I’ve found) What’s best in life cannot be seen
Will never be. Has never been

This is the way I save my own soul
I stay disengaged and stay in control

So bring on the new thing…

 

 

655 days ago /  Tagged: , , 1
Osama Bin Laden

“We” (further reflection on the death of Bin Laden)

Earlier this week, I posted a short piece not so much on the death of Bin Laden but the nature of the response to his death, particularly among christians. A few conversations I’ve had since then, as well as a few of the comments on the blog entry itself, led to this further thought… 

In the shadow of a common enemy, our idea of who “we” are tends to become a bit more inclusive. Unfortunately this kind of inclusion is predicated on a common decision on who “we” will exclude.  It is self-defeating.

One of the more pervasive sentiments throughout the recent aftermath of of Bin Laden’s death was the sentiment that ‘we’ shared in the event. “We” were safer, many wrote. “We” could breathe easier.  This was (is?) true because “we” are all Americans.

But tomorrow, something one of “us” will say or do will be the cause of our becoming a “they.”  Our inclusion of “others” can be quite fickle.

We are all Americans… until we our politics don’t agree. Just as, in certain contexts, we are all christians… until our theology or sociology come in conflict.

The life and work of Jesus points at and exemplifies a kind of inclusion that is predicated not on circumstances and commonality but on choice.  “We” become a people chosen and called together by God… a choice that comes at great cost to the chooser.  Our differences are by no means diminished but become part of the way we understand the depth of grace in the heart of God, who chose “them” just as he chose “us” to be “His.”`

 

744 days ago /  Tagged: , , , 11
communion_table

The Cost of Belonging

Belonging to one another comes at a cost. This is part of why I love the way the Communion meal lies at the heart of christian community; it is symbolic of the sacrifice that makes family actually work.

I sat in a service recently that was not at all my cup of tea.  Between the style and execution of music, the topic and conclusions of the sermon and the general demographic of the congregation I felt about as out of place as I have ever felt in a church.  These were not at all ‘my people’ and more to the point, I am certainly not one of theirs.

But as I sat there settling comfortably into my “otherness” I remembered a scene from CS Lewis’ “Screwtape Letters” in which the tormenting demon was bid tempt his charge to examine his fellow church-goers and see their lowliness and otherness;” to conclude that he could not belong to “those people” for many of the same reasons I was mentally disassociating myself from the christians I was sitting with that morning.

When the band struck up again, I still noticed and disliked the song selection and even moreso the horrible electric-drum-kit sound.  But I opened my mouth and joined the congregation in song, moving to the aisle with the others in my row. I walked down to towards the stage behind a woman who was wearing a perfume that must have been named “Wild Berry Menthol Mist.” She turned and smiled after having taken the bread and wine that was now being offered to me.

“The body of Christ, broken for you.”  I took it and ate
“The blood of Christ, shed for you.”  I took it and drank.. and realized it was juice rather than wine.. but whatever..

And walking back to my seat I stood a bit closer to the pudgy, middle-aged man next to me who couldn’t stay in the same singing key for more than a phrase or two.. and sang with him.

One of the great challenges of the christian life is actually belonging to people you don’t like, don’t understand or with whom you do not fully agree.*  We spend much of our social energy trying to surround ourselves with a tribe of people more fully reflective of ourselves. Then, in christian teaching, we are asked to do something quite dramatic: to dissolve those expectations and receive into our lives anyone God gives us to.

This costs us.

It costs our levels comfort. It can cost us in our other relationships to be associated with someone who is politically or theologically outside the lines for the rest of our immediate tribe. It surely costs us to belong to people whose lives implode repeatedly due to their own foolish decision making. On and on.. Belonging to someone else, much less a community comes at a cost.  We call that cost “sacrifice” and it lies at the heart of healthy relationships.

And so the communion meal stands at the center of christian community, reminding us that being family means sacrifice. Real sacrifice.  A shade of the sacrifice that makes our community possible in the first place.

Belonging to One Another (3:43 Sermon Clip)

* (It’s a fallacy that christians are, on the whole, entirely like-minded. I’d argue that the range of sociological, political and religious thought within christian culture is at least as diverse as almost any other identifiable people group around.)


796 days ago /  Tagged: , , , , , 4

Meetings And The People Who Hate Them

Hate Meetings? Yeah, I get it. But.. you should probably go nonetheless.

“Why” you might say. “I don’t need that meeting.”

And you don’t. You are gifted and motivated as it is.  You don’t need the meeting to remind you of what you care about; you naturally care about those things. You don’t need the meeting to inform you; you are self-taught. You don’t need the meeting.

Furthermore, the meeting is irritating to you because it is made up of people who actually do need the meeting; They aren’t self-taught or self-motivated. They suck the life right out of you.  They need to get motivated. They need to get informed.

They need.. well.. they need someone like you.

So go to the meeting. Not because you need it but because you are needed there.

949 days ago /  Tagged: , 1
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