All posts tagged Discipleship

“…a God he likely does not know.”

I have come to believe that I can’t speak with any kind of wisdom or authority about the lives of people I don’t know. On a very practical level, I likely have only anecdotal information by which to evaluate their faith and process. But more importantly, if that person isn’t part of my life or congregation, they’re probably not someone I have been given to as a leader or pastor. And there are enough of those folks (people to whom I actually belong) to keep me happily busy.

I’ve been a pastor of Shelter Covenant Church since helping to plant the church in 1998. Our community is a small-to-medium sized group and I generally have some knowledge of what is happening in the lives of those I get to pastor. I really like knowing my community this intimately because, as I’ve written elsewhere, I believe that discipleship begins with trusting God is already up to something in someone’s life. 

What necessarily precedes my discipleship process then, is a more-than-cursory knowledge of someone’s life. I need to be close and listen carefully in order to faithfully “do my job” as a pastor. Only if I do the listening part do I get to help someone see and respond to what God is doing in and through them, rather than project my own hopes or agenda into their circumstance.

And when I have spoken to or about someone without having that proximity and without listening to know what God is likely up to, my words have generally been more revelatory of things inside me than they have been of Jesus.

118 days ago /  Tagged: , , , , 0
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Praying For Young Life

“You are worth my time.”

That’s a good story.

It’s the story that frames the beginning of my adulthood, really. And it was told to me, not in words but in countless hours of presence, by a Young Life leader.

“I had a Young Life leader walk into my life when I was twelve years old.” If you’ve been around me at at all for the past 14 years, you’ve likely heard me say those very words.  Its’ one of my favorite stories and I tell it a lot.  I also tell it a lot because I think it’s an important story; the counter-arguement to the loud and convincing cultural voice that says to kids “You are what you own, what you wear, what you drive, etc…”

Today is the National Day of Prayer for Young Life.  I know several of my readers don’t click with the Christ-centered focus of Young Life but we can all get on board with the need for the loving presence of adults in the lives of kids. Mentoring relationships help reframe the sometimes brutal identity crises teens face by telling a better story to kids than the dominant, destructive consumer fairytale many of us are smothered by.  Young Life leaders, by their very presence in kids lives, announce “you are worth my time.”

That’s a good story: “You are worth my time.”
It’s the story I think God wants told and I’m glad Young Life leaders do it so well.

229 days ago /  Tagged: , , , 0
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More Than Just A Crowd

I did something really special Sunday night. I got together with about 30 friends from my community and recorded them singing a few songs for the new album.  On several levels, the CMYK project is a fruit of the commitment Amy and I have made to stay rooted here in the Bay Area with a particular community. Having the voice(s) of that community on the album, singing in some key phrases (as well as a few wordless melodies), goes a long way to making that statement with the songs themselves as well as what I’ve written (and am writing) in prose.

It was fun.
There were cookies involved.

Among those who gathered were a several friends for whom CMYK songs and letters were written, which made it even more meaningful for me. It was important that it wasn’t just “a crowd” singing those songs but that there were particular people, in that particular place,  singing those particular words about our particular experience of life together. 

This is part of the CMYK project’s heart: particularity.

I’ve grown weary of trying to find Universal Answers to the Major Issues of Life.  It’s not that I find such conversations unimportant; It’s just that they can be exhausting and leave me with less energy for the more practical (and enjoyable) pursuit of actually living life well and helping others do the same. As I’ve written elsewhere,  I don’t want to “deal with” issues, I want to live with people and in that context, when issues arise, they are not conceptual.

The point at which things get too big conceptually for me to get my brain around is often enough the same point at which I find my ability to actually influence things also dissipates.

I don’t know what to do/think about “homelessness” but I can talk to the homeless women and men I regularly encounter like they are human beings and support those friends I have who do have some grasp on “what to do” about people we know living under bridges.

I don’t know what to do/think about “global poverty” but I can be a faithful sponsor for the kids Amy and I support through Compassion.

I don’t know what to do/think about any number of Major Issues. I can’t see myself mastering those huge topics anytime in my life. But I do see myself becoming a better friend, more faithful pastor and a more present neighbor to people whose lives will at times be colored by issues.  And I’d rather do that.

–
I’m currently trying to fund the CMYK Book and Album at Kickstarter and would love your support. 

250 days ago /  Tagged: , , , 0
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Sunday Reflection: BART Trains & Bad Words

I was taking my two-year-old son to BART.  He completely freaks out about trains, including BART trains, which means it costs me about $3.50 to be a Hero of Fatherhood if I take the two-stop jaunt from North Concord to Walnut Creek.  Jumping in the car, I asked “Are you ready buddy?” To which he responded “Daddy wallet?” He was used to me needing to to back inside and get my wallet because I often forget it. He was right to ask… I didn’t have it.

I banged the steering wheel with my right palm and said “Crap. I’ll be right back, pal.”

When I got back into the car, Asa greeted me with a hearty “Crap! Wallet!” and whacked his toy school bus against his thigh. When I caught his eye in the rearview mirror he was smiling and raising the bus over his head for another rendition. This time with more feeling:

“CRAP! WALLET!”

I thought for a long minute about whether or not to directly deal with his use of the word but thought better of it. Besides the fact that “crap” is  That wasn’t the issue. Foul language wasn’t the issue. The issue was that I’d forgotten something very basic about being Human, not to mention being a father…

I am always teaching
I am always training
I am always discipling
I am always infusing the world around me with myself and my way of living.

The decision before me is never whether or not to pass myself on in some way (even absence is a way of life that can be passed on) but whether or not I will intentionally do so.

—

(*BART image by Tim Preut, whose BART photo project can be found here)

329 days ago /  Tagged: , , , 0
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Power, Authority, Discipleship and Pants

As I understand it, power has to do with one’s ability and authority has to do with having permission to exercise that power. In other words, you might have knowledge, insight or wisdom to offer me that would I would benefit from but if I don’t heed your words, I have denied you the authority to exercise your power.

Andy Crouch’s presentation at the Q conference was born out of early efforts toward a book on the topic of Power and it landed squarely in an arena of thought I’m currently in myself: The exercise of authority involved in discipleship.

He suggested that there is a general reticence among Christians to assume or claim power; as if claiming power/influence is by nature arrogant and dangerous whereas the denial of power/influence is a sign of character. His suggestion called to mind the oft-quoted warning that “Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely.” -Lord Acton (real name)

Now, count me among those who have a backlog of negative power-abuse examples in my mind, particularly related to religious history… but if women and men of character automatically compromise that character by assuming positions of power, isn’t the void left to be filled by those who lack character?  That seams to be what many among us at least believe to be true about those in authority. In my experience, the very idea of authority is often met with red flags and suspicion.

And yet I wore pants today, as I do so most days.. Of course, I didn’t internally decide that it was good to wear pants. I was told, over years of course, that I ought to and believed that to be true.  I find that to be the case in just about all my behavioral patterns: I do what I do because I’ve been taught that I ought to and believed that to be true. In other words, I’m submitted to some power or other. I’ve given authority to someone or something outside myself to determine at least part of how I live. Admittedly, this influence is often benign,.. but not always. The permissibility of slave-labor in order to ensure low prices for American consumers is also a product of the slow but pervasive influence of authoritative voices in the Marketplace.

The initial challenge of discipleship is entering the arena where power is already being wielded; where authority, leadership and life-shaping are already taking place… and risk association with a history of power-abuse. I don’t like the impact the Marketplace has had on people I love. I think I have a better idea of how to live and spend money. I don’t like the impact certain elements of the Political and Religious worlds have had on people I love. I think I have a better idea how to see and treat people.  So, will I risk the appearance of arrogance and control in order to “put my two cents in?” 

Or is the bigger risk to let whatever cultural forces are most powerful and pervasive do the instructing and shaping of those I love?

387 days ago /  Tagged: , , , , 2

CMY(K) – Remember Me, Jesus (“Y”, Track 1): Letter To A “Queer” Sister

(NOTE: The term “queer” has been recently reclaimed by the LGBT community in books and blogs etc.. in order to move away from what is considered unhelpful categorization of sexual identity. My use of the term is an attempt to meet my “queer” friends, sisters and brothers on their conversational terms.)


Most of the songs that make up the CMY(K) project are written for and about friends. I am posting the letters I’ve written to these friends letting them know about their song.  Below is the letter I wrote to a friend for whom i wrote “Remember Me, Jesus.”  The song appears on the EP entitled “Y.”

I wrote the song “Remember Me, Jesus” with you in mind. Below is a letter explaining a bit more of why.

We are not alike, you and I. We do not always agree. Our disagreements are often about pressing and vital issues of identity; issues that, when disagreed upon, can end friendships. So I’m deeply thankful that agreement is not the foundation of our friendship. Not only have our disagreements not been the end of our friendship, they have enriched it, adding depth to both our lives and born fruit between us. I believe that this has been the case because, despite our differences of opinion regarding identity issues, we share the same core identity: we are both Beloved.

You’ve taken the matter of your identity very seriously. Even your formal education has been less about preparation for a career than it has been about finding and developing a more sure foundation for your identity; a way to verify (and at your lesser moments, justify) who you are. It has been a joy to watch and share in. I honor you for your diligence.

Of course, your path towards identity has rarely been a straight one. It has been strewn with obstacles set before you at times by history, at times by dumb luck and often enough by your own hand. Even at this early crossroads in life, much of your way can be fairly characterized as ‘queer.’ Yet, regardless of the apparent chaos of your way, you have always had an urgent, internal sense of purpose and direction…

…you are not simply a wanderer.

Despite of the apparent oddity of your way, you have also had an urgent, internal sense of belonging..

…you are not simply ‘queer.’

Whatever benefit being “the outsider” might have had in the past has been supplanted by the desire to belong to a particular people and feel rightly placed; to be folded in without being smothered; to actively shape and live in a truly graceful community, marked by the loving work of reconciliation. While you will not (and should not) conform simply in order to fit in, you are discovering that the difference between you and others is no longer the center of your identity. You are more than queer, more than odd, more than the lovable outsider. You are beginning to see and believe that before you are anything else, you are Beloved.

Being “Beloved” is an identity you did not and cannot earn; one you did not carefully craft and did not unearth from layers of false identity, though there is some value to that process as well. Instead, you have slowly (and sometimes reluctantly) received your . New Name at the loving and patient hand of those you have allowed to have influence over you. What a mystery this is: our identity is given to us. We are not what we make ourselves, we are who we are made by those we allow to love us.

In embracing yourself as “Beloved,” you are embracing a shared identity; it is not your name alone, but a name you share with me and a litany of others we would not have chosen to call “Beloved” were it up to us. This is why you find yourself in community with so many who do not share your worldview; you did not choose them. Christ chose them just as Christ chose you.. and drew them near just as Christ drew you near. So long as you remain faithful to who you are in Christ, you will be surrounded by sisters and brothers who either do not understand who you are or do not agree,.. some of whom will be close friends.

Of course, that is a circumstance you are familiar with. For years now you have warred within yourself over these very same things; You have not always agreed with yourself about who you are. You have sometimes wished you did not believe the things you believe about yourself or your world. Some of those conflicts remain. But just as the conflicts you and I have are framed in the common identity we share, the conflicts in you are now overshadowed by the deep knowledge that you are fully known, loved and named by One in whom there is no conflict.

-May you continue to more deeply know yourself as Beloved.
-May you continue to trust God more readily than you trust yourself, even and especially as it regards your identity.
-May wanderers and outsiders find you among them and know they are loved by you.
-May you have the courage to lead those who you love to a place they can call Home; where they can know themselves as ‘Beloved.”

You can pick up the EP at iTunes.

It is also available at my web store. 
For more on the whole CMY(K) project, read the artist statement.

414 days ago /  Tagged: , , , 0
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CMY(K): People Are Not Their Problems

In writing the letters that make up part of the CMY(K) project, I wanted to model an approach to pastoral practice that emphasized the Person rather than the Problem.  Eugene Peterson makes a compelling argument in his most recent memoirThe Pastor that far too much ministry focuses on relieving people of their problems; constantly calling attention to some issue or another.  I’m certainly guilty of this, myself.

But I am not defined by my problems and bristle at the thought of being primarily seen in the dark light of what is wrong with me.

The proper focus of Christian discipleship is the growth and shaping of a whole person who is loved by God as they are.  Discipleship is not the resolution or eradication of an individual’s set of issues so that they can become acceptable to God and His people.

In other words; in answer to questions I’ve been asked such as..

“Do you deal with homosexuality in your church?”
“Do you deal with doubt among your congregates?”

I would have to answer “No.” Not because sexual identity is unimportant or difficult to address or because everyone in my congregation is unshakably confident in the things they believe. But because I don’t want to “deal with” issues. I want to “deal with” people. I want to do my best, according to what wisdom I’ve been granted, to help them hear, interpret and then act on what they are hearing from God; trusting that He, in His wisdom, will speak to them about what specific things He is working on, shaping, changing or removing.

—

You can pick up all three CMY(K) ep’s at iTunes
You can find more about the CMY(K) project at http://cmykproject.info/
 You can dance if you want to. You can leave your friends behind here.

 

430 days ago /  Tagged: , , , 2

My friends and I used to hike and run around Mt. Diablo with my High School History teacher, John Millar.  He loved the mountain and knew it intricately; the seasons for certain flowers, insects or animals, the natural pattern of streams and creeks. He even knew where, should we venture off the marked trail, we could continue to make steady progress up the mountain.  Hiking and jogging with him, we came to know the mountain as he knew it, which meant we came to know it by the names he used.

About eight hundred meters up the Mitchell Canyon was a small hill Millar had named after one of his other hiking and jogging mates.  Just over a mile up that same canyon was another trail Millar would call “White’s Canyon.” Another mile past “White’s Canyon” we would normally stop to stretch at what he called “the ball-diamond.” Of course, none of these names appear on the maps issued by the State of California. These were Millar’s names. And by these names we came to know the mountain for ourselves.

The Mountain itself was, and always will be “Mt. Diablo”; it was too special a place for us to rename it wholesale. And, of course, the terrain itself never changed because of what we called it. But by renaming its landscape we came to know and love it as more intimately ours.

I chose (and still choose) to know the terrain of life as it is named by those who have lived it and loved it before me. “The official map,” as it were, can provide a way of initially seeing where I am but when it comes to something like the birth of a child, the death of a close friend, a first major vocational success or a cancer diagnosis, the official names and descriptions can fall dramatically short. It’s all well and good to know “this is the birth of your son,” but navigating the emotional and spiritual space of such a thing has always required a more personal and nuanced naming. More than that, the many times I’ve found myself “off trail” and in places that have no official names,  I’ve benefited greatly from having the experiences of other off-trail hikers passed on to me.

Part of why I do what I do as an artist and teacher is to help re-draw maps whose names are either insufficient, worn out or missing altogether; the kind of thing John Millar and other wise men did for me.

 

580 days ago /  Tagged: , , , 0
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Sunday Reflection: Lost and Found… at same time

I was jogging along 75th street in Prairie Village, KS (just outside of Kansas City) when a vehicle rolled up behind me and the driver honked. If you’re a jogger* you know that such a thing is at least bad etiquette… I thought I was about to be run over and die.  I jumped 4-feet** in the air before looking behind me to see a young girl with her father in a minivan.

The pulled up next to me and the father leaned across the passenger seat asking…

“Do you know where Prairie Village is?”
“Actually” I replied “you are currently in Prairie Village.”
“Oh.. Ok. I guess I thought it’d be more.. I dunno… more houses. We’re looking for 4000 71st Street.”

I reached for my iPhone and punched in the address to Google Maps. As I leaned in to show him what The Google said about their next steps, his daughter produced her iPhone with Maps pulled up.  She had the same image on her screen as I did.

“We keep going a few blocks and go right on Belinder, right?”
“Yeah,” I stammered, “that’s why my phone says as well.”
“Well, thanks for the help” her father said.. and they were off.

Often you get where you’re going and it doesn’t look the way you thought it would.  So you need the confirmation of someone else in the same place that “this is it.”

Often you know what comes next but need the confirmation of a fellow traveller that what you are planning to do is what they would do given the same circumstances and information you have.

—–
*one who jogs
**more like 7 inches or so.

588 days ago /  Tagged: , , 6

CMY(K): Heaven Knows (“M”, Track 1) Letter To A ‘Stuck’ Brother

Most of the songs that make up the CMY(K) project are written for and about friends, each of whom has or will receive letters about the songs. I’m posting a few of those letters here.  ”Heaven Knows″ is written for a young brother I’ve had the pleasure of knowing for years and seen wrestle with the authenticity of his faith.  This is the letter I wrote to him about the song:


Brother,
I wrote the song “Heaven Knows” for and about you.

You deeply desire to know and speak Truth. Your feet search for firm ground to stand on. You’d rather say nothing at all than echo the insane speculations of overconfident, arrogant and uninformed religion you remember from your past.  These things are honorable in you and worthy of celebration.  They are also evidence of a Divine work in you. The hard part of that work has been that it has meant years of restlessness and an inability at times to act with confidence.

You’ve engaged in many great conversations, read many insightful texts. Yet, more recently, the words of others have begun to fall short of your heart: you’ve not been moved and comforted by the same conversations and ideas you had been moved and comforted by previously.  I believe that this because it is your heart that needs to speak rather than be spoken to.  The time has come to act on what you do know rather than wait for further instruction, the next revelation or some deeper insight.

Until now, you have been full of words but few to none of them have been yours much less God’s. You have had little to no internal room for your own words because of the cacophony of voices swirling in you. Even the words you did speak were often arrangements of words you received from parents, your past or your former religion. But the time has come for you to speak your own words and to do so in confidence. You’ve come to know that the ground is there to stand upon and that the Truth is not as evasive as it once appeared.

You are not being asked to name anything. The time for conclusions and ‘naming’ has past (and another season like it is yet to come). For now, you are simply being asked to bear witness to what you have seen and let everything else be everything else. You are being asked to act according to what you know is True, regardless of the incompleteness of that knowledge.  Just as Phillip was bid by the Spirit of the Lord to “Go South” with no further explanation, you have your own “Go South” to obey.

So, I wanted to give you a way to see and remember that work begun in you is real and that it will be brought to completion; a way to see remember that your circumstances, present or past do not direct your path;  Your circumstances are not concrete; they are malleable.  The thing, moreso than any other that you are being asked to bear witness to, the thing that must direct your course of action henceforth is your identity in the Father, who calls you “son.”

Thomas Merton writes “God is not a ‘what,’ not a thing …there is no ‘what’ that can be called God. There is ‘no such thing’ as God because God is neither a ‘what’ or a ‘thing’ but pure ‘Who.’ He is the ‘Thou’ before whom our inmost ‘I’ springs into awareness. He is the I AM before whom, with our most personal and inalienable voice, we echo ‘I am.’”

You are not stuck. You are not paralyzed. Not anymore. You have come to a moment you do not recognize; one that you were not prepared for. It is a pure moment… a moment without further breakthrough… no more revelation.. no deeper enlightenment.. You know everything you need to know. This moment is not about deeper knowledge, it is about the choice to act on the knowledge you’ve been mercifully granted; that you are a son of God.

Justin

—–

You can pick up the EP at iTunes.
It is also available at my web store. 
For more on the whole CMY(K) project, visit the CMYK info page.

Heaven Knows

You have asked me to feed them
With my blood and my bones
But my body is burdened with concerns of my own

Heaven knows that I want to
I want to but I just can’t

You have asked me to follow
To believe and obey
But the very thought of it is what keeps me away

Heaven knows that I want to
I want to but I just can’t

“Do you want to get well?”
It always seemed like the strangest thing to ask a man

 

 

591 days ago /  Tagged: , , , , 9
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